Supporting children through grief: A guide for Kids Life Coaches
As a Kids Life Coach, one of the most challenging yet rewarding aspects of your work is helping children navigate the complex emotions that come with grief. Grief is a universal experience, but for children, it can be particularly bewildering and overwhelming. Having recently lost a friend to brain cancer and seeing her eight beautiful grandchildren left behind, I really felt prompted to give you some guidance on how we, as Kids Life Coaches, can support children through this difficult journey.
Understanding Children's Grief
Children's understanding and experience of grief can vary greatly depending on their age, developmental stage, and personal circumstances. It's important to remember that there's no 'right' way for a child to grieve. Their reactions can range from sadness and anger to confusion or even apparent indifference. As Kids Life Coaches, our role is to provide a safe and supportive space not only for the child we are coaching but for their siblings and parents, to express and process their feelings, whatever they may be. Holding space for the family to grieve, gives them an opportunity to heal organically. Your care and support should act as a buffer to the hard conversations parents may not be able to have but this doesn't mean having an agenda. It simply means being present and available.
Communication is Key
Whilst we don't offer counselling in our coaching spaces, there is a therapeutic element to our Play Based Coaching® System that opens the lines of communication, enabling children to achieve momentum in processing their grief. During your play based sessions, open and honest communication is vital when supporting a child through their grief. Encouraging them to talk about their feelings and letting them know that it's okay to feel whatever they're feeling is important. Use age-appropriate language to explain the concept of death and be patient, as they may need to ask the same questions multiple times to fully understand.
Expressing Emotions Through Creative Activities
Children may find it difficult to express their feelings verbally and this is where our Play Based Coaching System® really shines. Unlike traditional play therapy, we use creative activities such as drawing, painting, or storytelling to provide an alternative outlet for the child's emotions whilst also giving them a toolkit of coping strategies. Choose your Play Based Coaching activities strategically so that they serve as a starting point for conversations about feelings.
Maintaining Routine and Normalcy
During times of grief, maintaining a sense of routine can provide a comforting sense of normalcy and stability for children so don't cancel your coaching sessions in the event of a death in the family. If the family is in agreement, you can help by supporting the child to keep up with regular routines and activities as much as possible. This gives them a sense of control and also gives the parents the downtime they may need to also deal with the loss.
Remembering and Celebrating the Loved One
Helping children remember and celebrate the person they've lost can be a powerful part of the healing process. This could involve creating a memory box filled with photos and mementos, planting a tree in their memory, or simply sharing stories about them. You could opt to initiate a celebration of life ceremony with the child and their family to facilitate their focus on happy memories as an anchor in their heart and mind.
Self-Care for Kids Life Coaches
Finally, I want to share that for me, I have sometimes found that supporting a grieving child can be emotionally taxing. With my heart invested heavily in a family, I have grieved with them too. Their loss has been my loss but this didn't distract me from my role as a Kids Life Coach. My advice is that you need to ensure that you're taking care of your own emotional wellbeing too. This might involve seeking professional supervision or peer support, practicing mindfulness, or simply taking time out to rest and recharge.
Dealing with grief is never linear, and it is a wonderful gift of time that you can give your clients who have to unexpectedly face the loss of a loved one. You may not have all the answers or know the direct route to process their grief, but what you do have is a powerful tool that transcends all boundaries and all challenges. The language of play! This coupled with strategic coping will help those children, that may lose their spark to play when they are sad.
As a global network of Kids Life Studio® Coaches, we play a crucial role in supporting children through the challenging journey of grief. Whilst I am fortunate to say that this hasn't been a regular experience in my over two decades of coaching, it can happen and sadly that is the cycle of life. By providing a safe and supportive space, encouraging open communication, and helping your clients find ways to express their feelings and remember their loved one, you can help them navigate their difficult experience.
Thank you for all you do to sustainable and ethically coach and support the children in your care! Especially in those times when you go over and beyond the expected norms of your coaching programme at times of loss or grief.
