Understanding Pre-Teen Hormones: A Guide for Kids Life Coaches
As a professional who works with children, I have always believed it is essential for me to understand the hormonal shifts pre-teens go through and how these changes impact their emotional and social development. Which is why part of our Kids Life Coach Certification training looks at developmental stages. The pre-teen phase is often quite tricky because it is filled with mood swings and self-doubt. The early stages of puberty, can be a confusing and challenging time for kids—and for the adults supporting them. Especially the parents, who often ask me for advice on how to deal with their moody kids who seem to change in personality overnight! LOL...I'm not a parent...but that can't be easy!
I always tell them that pre-teens, typically around the ages of 9 to 12, experience hormonal changes that can significantly affect their emotions, self-esteem, and relationships with their family and friends. I also reassure them that as a life coach for children, I understand these changes from a brain based perspective that allows me to provide effective guidance, support, and strategies that can help children (both boys and girls) navigate this transitional period with confidence.
With the child's body undergoing several hormonal shifts that trigger emotional and physical changes, your job as a Kids Life Coach is to act as a tour guide. So what do pre-teens need to know? Well, they need to know that they are experiencing is normal and this shared experience is something most adults can relate to:
- Mood Swings: One of the most noticeable effects of hormonal changes is mood swings. Pre-teens can go from being excited and energetic one moment to feeling irritable or withdrawn the next. These shifts are often intense and unpredictable, leaving kids feeling out of control of their emotions. Play Based Coaching supports them in navigating this new range of emotions and giving them coping strategies to regulate their moods.
- Negative Self-Talk: As children become more aware of their bodies and how they’re changing, they may start to develop negative self-talk. Body image concerns, comparison with peers, and a lack of self-acceptance can create feelings of insecurity and lower self-esteem which makes it important for you to address these issues in your coaching sessions.
- Social Struggles: Friendships, which once felt easy and carefree, can become more complicated during this period. Pre-teens may struggle to manage conflicts, deal with misunderstandings, or navigate shifting social dynamics. Hormonal changes can make them more sensitive to peer criticism, and their ability to communicate effectively may be affected. This is why communication skills transfer is so important as part of the goal setting process.
Why This Matters for Kids Life Coaches...
As Play Based Coaches®, understanding these shifts in both self-esteem and social dynamics is essential in helping pre-teens develop the skills they need to thrive. When a child is navigating mood swings and the complexity of changing relationships, they need tools to manage their emotions, use positive self-talk, and strengthen their social connections. Our non invasive approach to these serious agendas allows the child to feel more in control and less overwhelmed. This is where your expertise can have a huge impact and I recommend the following 6 key strategies for supporting pre-teens:
1. Acknowledge Hormonal Changes – It’s crucial for you to create a safe space where pre-teens can acknowledge that what they’re experiencing is normal. Helping them understand that mood swings and self-doubt are part of growing up can make them feel less isolated or “different.”
2. Promote Emotional Regulation – Since mood swings are common during this time, helping pre-teens learn emotional regulation techniques can be life-changing. Introduce mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, or journalling to help them manage intense emotions when they arise. Ensure that you personalise the approach and allow boys and girls who may differ in their interests to choose the best techniques that suit them.
3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk – Many pre-teens experience heightened self-consciousness, which can lead to automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) about themselves. As their life coach, you can help them identify these patterns of self-criticism and coach them how to replace them with more balanced, positive thoughts. Encourage them to focus on their strengths and affirm their worth as part of the process.
4. Enhance Communication Skills – Social struggles are common during the pre-teen years. Pre-teens may not yet have the tools to effectively express their feelings or understand those of others. Coaching sessions that focus on improving communication skills—such as active listening, conflict resolution, and empathy—can empower them to navigate friendships more confidently.
5. Build Healthy Friendships – Pre-teens are at a stage where they’re learning how to form and maintain healthy friendships. As their coach, you can guide them in understanding the importance of mutual respect, empathy, and understanding in their social connections. Help them reflect on what makes a good friend and encourage them to build relationships based on trust and kindness.
6. Empathy and Patience – Above all, pre-teens need you as their coach to offer empathy and patience. Their world is changing, and they need someone who understands their struggles and can guide them with compassion. Taking the time to listen and validate their experiences will help them feel understood and supported.
I have seen in my clients how the pre-teen years offer us an incredible opportunity to make a lasting impact and to form positive neural pathways for sustainable choices. By understanding the hormonal changes that affect emotions, self-esteem, and social relationships, we can better equip pre-teens with the tools they need to manage this challenging period. The best part is that with our Play Based Coaching approach, we can do this with ease and make the journey fun. Just like Coach Lamya did with one of her coachees. If you are a professional membership coach, be sure to visit Coach Lamya's guest recording in your membership library of a case study of a 10-year old client she coached with mood swings and pre-teen jitters!
I hope that the next time you are faced with parents complaining about their moody pre-teen that you feel equipped to empower them to recognising the powerful effects of what you can do to support their child. By tailoring your coaching approach to their child's individual needs, you can make a real difference in their emotional and social development.
Wishing you well in this journey!
